4/21/06

Yo I just got me some brainziti kid.  Alex you’re an asshole!!!  You fought with Christina tonight because she somehow found out that I hooked up with a couple of other girls.  Yeah cause I dolt her like  retard like I was catching brains on the reg.  Now I did.  Her name is Sherry and she looked like Mrs. Potato Head.  Fucking A she sucked my dick and I showed her the Strenger effect.  Wow you really are an asshole.  Asshole asshole asshole asshole!!!!  I may as well give you the names.  Fuck that it would take too long.  This girl said I was talented no joke.  Hopefully I am as talented as I played and as I drive.  Yo the Amanda line bitch gave me the wrong number.  Whatever, fuck her she had 3 kids. The last thing I need is for 3 people to call me daddy.  The night went like this, I played drunk Mario Kart for N64 in which whoever lost had to take shots.  We all got wasted and didn’t even go downtown.  I went downtown…..on Mrs. Potato Head.  Seriously, what happened to Christina?  It’s gonna end by the summer.  Enjoy college you may as well and most of all DON’T FIGHT NATURE.

Christina and I got into a huge fight over whether or not blowjobs were considered cheating.  She thought they were, and began sobbing hysterically when I told her how faithful I was throughout our relationship.  We never spoke again. 

After talking to Christina I had to get drunk.  I was going to go to Sports Bar with Ahmed and suggested playing a Mario Kart drinking game before going out, where whoever didn’t win had to take a shot.  So Ahmed and I, along with this girl Sherry who lived in the RA suite, spent the entire night getting blitzed and playing Mario Kart.

 Somehow Sherry and I ended up on my bed with her head on my chest and the room to ourselves.  Shortly thereafter my face was buried deep in her snatch, where she sprayed me with salmon flavored pussy juice before swallowing my trouser snake.

I went out with Juan the following night.  We had a few beers before going to open bar at the RAT, where I ran into none other than Nicole.  Seeing her almost ruined my night until I stumbled into Mary and brought her home with me, because big titties are known to cure depression.  As we were leaving the bar, Sarah (my RA) ran into me and pulled me aside, asking how my night with Sherry went.  I just smiled, shook my head, and walked out the door with Mary.

Back in my room I’m doing the usual, brutalizing her vagina like Godzilla, when all of a sudden Mary began to smell smoke.  “Aaaalleeex is there a fiiire?” Mary asked in a whiny voice, sounding like a valley girl that just spent the past hour and a half inhaling helium from a balloon.  “Nah bitch, there aint no fire.  Shut the fuck up.”  I replied reassuringly.  “But Aaalleeex, I hear a fire truuuck.”  Mary slurred, as she shoved her humongous tits in my face while on top of me.  “I don’t care, keep going.  I’m about to cum.  The fire can wait.”  I said, taking her tits out of my mouth in order to speak.   

“Uhhhaahaa.”  I said two minutes later, removing the condom and emptying my load all over her face.  “Ok.  We should probably go downstairs now.  After all, there could be a fire in the building.”  I said calmly, gathering myself and putting on a pair of Ninja Turtle boxers.  “But Aaaaalleeeex, I can’t go out like this.”  Mary whined.  “Do you not understand the urgency of the situation?  There’s a fire in the building.  Hurry the fuck up and get dressed.”  I said in an agitated tone of voice, expressing concern over our safety.  “Can I at least clean up?”  Mary asked, annoyed and frustrated, as semen dribbled down her lower lip.  “No can do babe.  Our lives could be at risk and every second counts.  Hurry up, I’m doing this for you.”  I said, handing Mary her shirt so that she could wipe the jizm from her face.

Downstairs in the lobby, I see my entire building congregated outside as I lazily asked the fireman what the commotion was about.  “Oh, some kid was smokin’ in his room and set off the alarm… maam you got a little something on your face there.”  The fireman said to Mary, as she gave me a dirty look and ran off.  I guess that’s the price you pay for trying to save someone’s life.