12/3/05

                Little Timmy comes from a single parent home.  His moms a drug addict who cant pay the rent.  Little Timmy decides to rob old ladies so that him and his mom wont get evicted.  Everything was going great and business was booming, until Batman came out of nowhere and threw him down an elevator shaft, crippling him instantly.

Little Timmy is gonna spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair and the world is gonna end in 5 years.  That’s not good.  I need to drop out of school and start asking god for forgiveness immediately.

I got a new roommate.  His name was Erick and he was an ex-marine.  Erick and I didn’t know each other, but he knew Kevin, and he also knew that I didn’t shower and that last semester I left a used condom on the floor for two weeks without throwing it away.  Eric therefore did not want to live with me.

“Yo why doesn’t Erick wanna live with me?” I asked Kevin while we smoked a blunt in the nature preserve.  Kevin cracked up laughing, dropping the blunt into the snow.  “Dude, you’re kidding right?”  Kevin said, as we crawled on our knees trying to find the blunt.  “No, what’s the problem?”  I said, finding the blunt and hitting it.  “Bro, you remember what our room used to look like last semester?”  Kevin said, snatching the blunt from my hand.  “Yeah, and?”  “You left a used condom on the floor for two weeks without throwing it away!!”

Kevin had a point and I had some more weed.  So we smoked another blunt and played NBA JAM until the police came.

I didn’t get arrested.  The weed was long gone by then.  This was a far more serious matter.

See, Jeff lost his laptop the day before he had to submit an important paper and was certain that I had something to do with it.  According to him, I was the only person in the suite the night his laptop vanished, and was therefore somehow involved.

What Jeff failed to realize, however, was that he had a tendency to leave his laptop in the common room for days on end without locking the door to our suite.  Anybody in the building could’ve taken Jeff’s laptop, because valuable items (such as computers) tend to “grow legs and walk away” when left unsupervised for prolonged periods of time.  Jeff conveniently overlooked this tidbit of information and filed a police report, citing me as the prime suspect for the disappearance of his laptop.

A police officer came to my room and questioned me while I played Sonic 2 on my computer.  After interrogating me for an hour, the cop decided not to arrest me, and even asked how he could download the game onto his laptop.